The Breastfed vs. Formula Fed Debate!

I breastfed my first child and have plans to do the same with my second.  I was incredibly blessed in that I had zero problems with latch, supply, weight gain, or just having the time to do it.  I had support from my medical providers, my husband, and my entire family (and most of them had never breastfed).  I had become a stay at home mom, I was given a pump, I had access to assistance if I needed it.  All in all, it was pretty much a perfect setup.

But...  I have to say that towards the end of the time we breastfed, I was starting to get pretty fed up(pun!) with it.  I had a pump and bottles and could express enough milk, but she would not take a bottle.  It wasn't an issue with nipple size or flow.  Anytime a bottle would pass over her lips she would start screaming and gagging.  Night time feedings started to make me feel really trapped, and I couldn't leave her for more than an hour or so.  Dad was never able to comfort her.  I could hold her and rock and sing and do everything I could to soothe her, but she would not fall asleep without a boob in her mouth.  Nothing was good enough except for the boobs.  I understood it.  Comfort nursing and all that jazz.  But it got to a point where nursing would make me feel really, really resentful.  (why isn't my voice, touch, love enough for you?!)  So, I decided to wean her at 13 months.  It was surprisingly easy.  (we had the most success with toddler straw cups)

Breastfeeding had run its course, and we were better off moving on from it.  I am so grateful for the time that I did get to nurse.  I did enjoy it up until the end, and loved that I was physically capable of doing it.  I have no plans to do anything but nurse with #2.

I am pro-breast.  I am NOT, however, anti-anything-else.

I'm aware that some women are not able to nurse.  They are physically not able to do it.
I'm aware that some women choose not to nurse for various reasons.  Maybe they have no support.  Maybe they feel uncomfortable with the idea of nursing itself.  Maybe they have past traumas and nursing exacerbates those bad feelings.  Maybe they have to work and pumping didn't work for them.
I'm aware that some women just don't want to.  I wanted to.  I was able to, and it was awesome for over a year.  But I have personal, first hand experience with the "I don't want to do this" feeling.

Some people will insist that breastfeeding is best for babies and formulas are full of chemicals and whatnots.  I don't think breastfeeding will make your child invincible, more intelligent, or give them a stronger bond.  (breastfeeding =/= love)  I think it's certainly beneficial, but there are literally millions of healthy, smart, loving formula fed kids out there.  In the end, using breastmilk or formula is a teeny, tiny, minuscule factor in how your kid will turn out.  Both options are nourishing, safe, and can be done with 100% hardcore love.

If you want to breastfeed, and you are able, that's great!  If you want to formula feed, and you are able, that's great!

I think moms on either side are too quick to both judge another and be offended by another.  There is no reason to put down a mother's method of feeding her child or to take another mom's method as an insult.

Things to be upset over

• Babies that are not having their nutritional needs met because of a parent's personal opinion.
• Babies that are not treated with love and respect.
• Moms that force themselves into one option or another despite possible detriment to their own physical, emotional, and mental health.

A Whole Christian

Found at savingsons.org

[Act 15:1-10 NIV] 1 Certain people came down from Judea to Antioch and were teaching the believers: "Unless you are circumcised, according to the custom taught by Moses, you cannot be saved." 2 This brought Paul and Barnabas into sharp dispute and debate with them. So Paul and Barnabas were appointed, along with some other believers, to go up to Jerusalem to see the apostles and elders about this question. 3 The church sent them on their way, and as they traveled through Phoenicia and Samaria, they told how the Gentiles had been converted. This news made all the believers very glad. 4 When they came to Jerusalem, they were welcomed by the church and the apostles and elders, to whom they reported everything God had done through them. 5 Then some of the believers who belonged to the party of the Pharisees stood up and said, "The Gentiles must be circumcised and required to keep the law of Moses." 6 The apostles and elders met to consider this question. 7 After much discussion, Peter got up and addressed them: "Brothers, you know that some time ago God made a choice among you that the Gentiles might hear from my lips the message of the gospel and believe. 8 God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us. 9 He did not discriminate between us and them, for he purified their hearts by faith. 10 Now then, why do you try to test God by putting on the necks of Gentiles a yoke that neither we nor our ancestors have been able to bear?

[Gal 5:1-12 NIV] 1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. 2 Mark my words! I, Paul, tell you that if you let yourselves be circumcised, Christ will be of no value to you at all. 3 Again I declare to every man who lets himself be circumcised that he is obligated to obey the whole law. 4 You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. 5 For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope. 6 For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. 7 You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? 8 That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you. 9 "A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough." 10 I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view. The one who is throwing you into confusion, whoever that may be, will have to pay the penalty. 11 Brothers and sisters, if I am still preaching circumcision, why am I still being persecuted? In that case the offense of the cross has been abolished. 12 As for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves!

[Gal 6:12-16 NIV] 12 Those who want to impress people by means of the flesh are trying to compel you to be circumcised. The only reason they do this is to avoid being persecuted for the cross of Christ. 13 Not even those who are circumcised keep the law, yet they want you to be circumcised that they may boast about your circumcision in the flesh. 14 May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. 15 Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is the new creation. 16 Peace and mercy to all who follow this rule--to the Israel of God.

[Tit 1:10-11 NIV] 10 For there are many rebellious people, full of meaningless talk and deception, especially those of the circumcision group. 11 They must be silenced, because they are disrupting whole households by teaching things they ought not to teach--and that for the sake of dishonest gain.

[1Co 7:17 NIV] 17 Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.

[Phl 3:2-3 NIV] 2 Watch out for those dogs, those evildoers, those mutilators of the flesh. 3 For it is we who are the circumcision, we who serve God by his Spirit, who boast in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh--

[Col 2:8-14 NIV] 8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ. 9 For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10 and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. 11 In him you were also circumcised with a circumcision not performed by human hands. Your whole self ruled by the flesh was put off when you were circumcised by Christ, 12 having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead. 13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.

Improving Birth

"This movement isn't about natural birth vs. medicated birth.  It's not about hospital birth vs. home birth. It's about women being capable of making safer, more informed decisions about their care and that of their babies, when they are given full and accurate information about their care options, including the potential harms, benefits, and alternatives. Then, within that choice, they are treated with dignity and respect."
Dawn Thomspon, Founder of ImprovingBirth.org
How awesome is that?! 
I've always been a little on the fence about being an anti drug, c-section, hospital, etc type person.  I don't want to be pitted against other moms because of their personal choices.  Making educated choices is of the utmost importance, but I believe there's no reason to say that Choice A makes you a better person than Choice B.  It's a lack of knowledge.
I had a natural birth in a birthing center with midwives and no medication in sight.  I remember getting more than a few shocked responses when we told friends and family of our plans. "I'm glad I won't be there to hear you scream."  "Why would you do that when you can make it easier on yourself with some medicine?"  "Midwives?  Wouldn't you feel better/safer with a doctor?"  "What if you never dilate?  "What if you can't do it?"  "Are you stupid?"
It was rare to receive much encouragement or support, but we trudged through everyone else's doubt and fear, and I'm SO glad we did.  We learned a lot about childbirth, medical "norms," my own body, and also how totally uneducated we were beforehand. 
We didn't start off with midwives and birthing centers and all this natural stuff.  Someone suggested we check it out, and my first thought was "um..no?.. Why would I want to see some voodoo-crazy-baby-whisperer when I have the option of a skilled, highly trained, medical professional?"  And then we went to the first few OB/GYN appointments.  The first thing that knocked me on my rear was the bill.  The monthly payments were outrageous.  Even with insurance, it was going to send us into debt.  But I figured it must just be normal and we would manage somehow.  The second thing to knock me on my rear was the brevity of the appointments.  They lasted literally less than five minutes.  No joke.  Less than five minutes.  They measured my tummy, asked a few questions, maybe gave me a book title, and that was that.  Not to mention, there was ZERO information about what was going on with my body/baby from the doctors.  All I knew was that I "measured good" and to "come back next month."  In short, we felt totally ripped off. 
We tentatively looked into the previously suggested birth center.  We almost didn't do it.  After calling to make an appointment, we learned that all potential patients were required to attend a mini-seminar, intro, tour-y thing before attending any appointments...  Friggin hippies.  But we figured we would go anyways!  And let me tell you...  I learned more about birth in those two hours than I previously had in my whole life.  We knew this was where we were supposed to be.  And midwives aren't voodoo ladies!  They just know A LOT, and their abounding skills and abilities can be eerie to us ill-informed folks.  We ended up having a fabulous pregnancy and an awesome, simple, no-scream-necessary birth.
Since our absolutely wonderful birth experience, I've become acutely aware of the fact that most women I know are just as uneducated about the subject as I once was.  My friends received inductions that weren't needed.  They were given medications that they knew nothing about.  Their artificially induced, drug laden labors "failed to progress," and the resulting C-Sections left them in pain for weeks.  My heart hurts for them and their babies.  I'm saddened that despite all the pain, trauma, and medical intervention, everyone still seemed totally content with the situation and even deemed it as normal. 
The really sad thing is that it actually is becoming normal.
According to the CDC website, over 30% of all births in the U. S. for 2011 were by Cesarean.  I absolutely refuse to believe that one out of every three mothers is unable to give birth vaginally.  Especially considering that 50 years ago, the Cesarean rate was below 5%.  What happened?  How is it that the medical community has advanced  so much, yet emergency surgery is needed more and more often for something that has occurred naturally for thousands of years? 
I won't say that birthing practices from the mid 1900s were optimal, though.  "Twilight sleep" may sound nice, but it was still unnecessary and potentially harmful for mom and baby.  Not only that, but I believe this period of it'll all be over when you wake up has done a lot of harm to the concept and understanding of birth and the female body in general. 
Many of our mothers and/or grandmothers were totally incapacitated and heavily medicated during birth.  An older lady once told me that her arms and legs were strapped down to a table while she gave birth because the effects of the anesthesia were so strong and unpredictable that moms-to-be would occasionally start thrashing violently during delivery.  That's scary!  Most anyone could tell you about a relative or friend that had a complication or emergency during birth and how traumatic and scary it was.  No wonder so many women are horrified at the idea of a natural birth.  If it's that scary with the doctors and medications and tip-top technology, just imagine what it must be like without it!
We've been conditioned to believe that birth is, in fact, a problem.  Whether everyone is willing to admit it or not, I believe that to be true.  Recall a birth scene from a movie or television show.  There's a screaming, sweaty, red-faced mother being coached by a team of nurses and an all knowing doctor, right?  She might scream "Get me that epidural!" or "God is a sadist!"  She's giving birth, and it requires lots of staff, lots of intervention, lots of technology, and lots of pain, turmoil and stress on her part.  We've been conditioned to believe that's just how it is.  And that's sad.
When we become pregnant, our immediate reaction is to seek out a doctor to deliver our baby.  When did that become normal?  When did we begin to doubt our ability to procreate naturally like every other species in the universe?  When did we forget that our bodies are quite literally MADE for giving birth?  Answerless questions...
Thinking back on all the negative responses I got from the unbelievers, I'm deeply saddened.  Every one of those nay sayers believes that natural birth is the wrong choice.  That it's dangerous, unnecessary, and dumb...  And they only believe that because that's what we've been conditioned to believe.  Giving birth is something that a woman has to endure.  Something she has to try to survive.  It's been made out to be a dirty, horrible thing, and it's so so far from that.

Birth fact!

Lying on your back is one of the worst positions for giving birth.
Lithotomy is one of, if not THE most popular positions for laboring and giving birth in America. (It accounts for well over half of all births in America.)  A close runner up is a reclined sitting position. 
Research shows that women are able to labor more effectively and give birth more easily if they are allowed to choose their own positions and change them accordingly throughout labor and delivery.  An upright position is often favored. (squatting, standing, kneeling)  Updated medical textbooks detail that an upright position is beneficial to a birthing mom, especially a first time mom.  Despite heaps of documented evidence against lithotomy, the majority of women are told that they should remain on their backs during labor and delivery.
Why is it a less than stellar position?
It can compress a large vein called the vena cava that can reduce blood flow to the placenta.  It works against gravity and creates more work for mom and baby.  The  compression of the uterus while in this position can lower baby's oxygen supply.  It can decrease the size of the birth canal by as much as 30%.  There is a greater chance of the need for delivery "assistance" in the form of vacuums, forceps, and episiotomies. 
Why is it so popular?
Basically, it makes it easier on the staff.  Doctors and nurses can more easily assess/access a laboring woman in this position.  Most hospitals will use fetal monitoring devices that are not movement friendly and require mom to remain in a lying position.  (It also should be noted that continuous electronic fetal monitoring has not shown to have any effect on fetal outcome.  It has, however, been related to an increased number of Cesareans.)
A few resources and references :
http://summaries.cochrane.org/CD002006/position-in-the-second-stage-of-labour-for-women-without-epidural-anaesthesia
http://www.scienceandsensibility.org/?tag=why-to-avoid-giving-birth-on-your-back
And pretty much any other book or website detailing birthing positions...

So, he said we can do it.

Have another baby, I mean. But...can? Of course we can. But should we? Is it a responsible decision? Does he even want another child or am I just being allowed to have one? His ambivalence makes me worry.

I think it's just part of my makeup as a woman to want to make babies. And the feeling that I'd be so much better at it a second time around makes that want even bigger. But I think I'm sort of depending on him to be the voice of reason. If there is a need to be reasoned with. I know he loves me and wants to give me what I want... but is me having what I want going to make his life suck? Does he feel guilty for not giving me another child? Does he feel sorry for me? Would he even tell me those things?

I just don't know what to make of it. I really, really want to have another baby. (Which is crazy because I specifically remember thinking "I will NEVER do this again!"..lol..hrm..) But I don't want another baby at the expense of what I already have. I don't want him to be (more) stressed over money, and I don't want him to regret "letting" me have another baby.

It's been so back-and-forth. I think my mind is exhausted by it. Thinking about it makes me feel sooo nervous. I just don't want to have any regrets either way.

BLAH.

"I don't tell my daughter she's beautiful."

I can't believe people actually admit to that. Like they're proud of themselves for being above a compliment or just sooo deep.

I read a blog where a lady goes into great depth describing how being told throughout her life that she was beautiful had left her burdened with a false sense of self and a misunderstanding of real character value. She said she tried to keep herself from telling her daughter she's beautiful because of that. Too much focus of physical attributes can be damaging. But so can too little.

Dictionary.com's definition of the word beautiful:

Adj.
1. having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind: a beautiful dress; a beautiful speech.
2. excellent of its kind: a beautiful putt on the seventh hole; The chef served us a beautiful roast of beef. wonderful;
3. very pleasing or satisfying.

My daughter does have beauty. And she gives me great pleasure in many ways, she delights me, she is excellent, wonderful, pleasing, and satisfying.

My daughter is beautiful.

And I will tell her that every single day.

Will I tell her that her hair is nicer than someone else's? Or that her perfect skin makes her a better person? Of course not. Telling your child they are beautiful does not equal teaching them vanity. Vanity is learned through rudeness, excess, undeserving entitlement, parental behaviors, etc. I fully believe that you can teach your child that they're beautiful as well as teach them not to be vain. Maybe that concept is just too complex for these deep thinkers... /sarcasm

I've read that instead of telling them they're beautiful, a parent should focus on telling a child they're intelligent, or delightfully inquisitive, or whatever other baloney I can't be bothered to BS my way through. Why does it have to be an either/or thing? I tell my kid she's smart AND beautiful.

I had a lot of self-esteem issues starting at a very early age and still deal with them today. I'm self conscious about my appearance. Am I better off because I feel intelligent (or at least not super dumb), crafty, spiritual, etc? No. Just no.

And it's not just about telling your daughter they're physically attractive or "pretty" in the sense of runway model or movie star type pretty. It doesn't matter if she has stringy hair or acne or huge birthmarks or if she's absolutely flawless and actually is a runway model. Your daughter should be beautiful to you, and she needs to know that. 

It's our jobs as parents to make sure our kids feel good about themselves. Because who else is going to do it? Sure, they might end up marrying someone awesome that tells them they're lovely, but what about the first twenty years of their lives? What about those social skill building years? What about those teenage years that have lifelong effects? That's OUR time. How will a child feel when their parents... their parents... spent 18+ years avoiding the subject of their beauty or appearance? What would you think if how you felt about your face was a taboo emotion?

My daughter has "failure to thrive" which, in our specific situation, is a cop-out name for your kid is totally healthy but doesn't fit on our graph thing and we don't know why. Do you know how many times pediatricians have looked at my baby girl with squinty, skeptical eyes while trying to determine what's wrong with her? Only to decide that she's just not average sized.

I despise going to appointments for that reason. My daughter is totally healthy in all ways, but has to stand there and be pondered over. It hurts my heart to think of the day when she'll realize what's going on. Someone is looking for her flaws. Actively seeking out her imperfections. Analyzing everything about her to find that "AHA! There's her abnomality!" factor.

It's my job to make her feel beautiful. To make her know that she is. Inside and out and in so many ways. To teach her that being a beautiful person is NOT about fitting into categories and standards. She is not too small or too skinny or too pale or too anything. She is absolutely beautiful in every way possible. Anybody and everybody is beautiful, and THAT'S OKAY.